Musings of an Unloved Woman
by Jamie8
Summary: Harry is married, but his wife feels unloved because his old girlfriend died years before. So she thinks that he is trying to replace that dead lover. Here is his wife's story. Please RR and see if you can guess which two girls the story is talking about.


"Harry wait."  
  
Harry kept walking, oblivious to the person who was running up behind him, yelling his name. He had heard her, but didn't want to face a tearful goodbye.  
  
"Harry!"  
  
He stopped and turned around when he recognized the girl's voice that was calling out to him. His face lit up at the sight of her. He had wanted to talk to her before she left, but didn't have the courage.  
  
"What is it?" he asked her.  
  
"I have something I want you to know."  
  
"Can't it wait? I will return soon," he told the girl. He knew the chances of him returning were slim, but she didn't need to know that.  
  
"No, Harry, it can't. I'm not sure you will even return, and if you don't... well I just don't want to have to live with the fact I could have told you. Please listen. It means a lot to me."  
  
"Well then tell me, I haven't got much time. If I don't leave soon, they will find me here and everyone here will be in great danger." So she did know then, she knew this might be the last time they would ever see each other alive.  
  
"Harry," she started, but she never got the chance to finish what it was she had wanted to tell him. The Death Eaters had chosen that exact moment to burst into the supposedly secret area. And at that moment she was killed.  
  
Harry screamed her name out, but there was nothing he could do to bring her back to life.  
  
~**~  
  
Although Harry won the war against the Dark Lord, many lives were lost. In fact, it is probably easier to count the ones whose lives were spared.  
  
After the war, Harry was even more famous than ever before, but he didn't seem to care about anything. He had lost the one girl he had truly loved, and yet he had never told her how he had felt about her. He wished he wouldn't have waited to until it was too late, but now there is nothing he can do about it. He also never found out what it was that she had wanted him to know.  
  
Now when he tells his kids the story about his life and the war, he leaves her out. To his kids she has never existed. Perhaps it is because it would be too painful for him to have to answer the questions that would surly follow his description of her death.  
  
Even though we have two beautiful children, Lily and James, I still get the feeling he doesn't truly love me like he and I both know he should. I have been here with him since she was killed, but that doesn't seem to matter to him. I try to make him as happy as I can, but even I know that I will never be able to replace the love he had for her or any of his other friends that also died on that terrible day. I'm not trying to replace her though; all that I ask is that he loves me.  
  
I don't know what made him fall in love with me, or if he has ever been in love with me, somehow we ended up together. I sometimes sit and wonder what my life would be like if she were still alive. They would probably have a huge house with a yard full of kids running around, considering that is what the two of them had always wanted.  
  
And me? No one would even remember who I was. Even if someone by chance did, they would only think of me as someone who had fought along side The-Boy-Who-Lived. He might remember though. At least I hope he would. We had been friends before so maybe that is how he would have remembered me.  
  
None of that matters now though. I have him and she is dead. Their dreams were shattered and my fate was changed. Pretty simple if you ask me.  
  
Since the war ended, we have been together. We have a wonderful family started and now he has made friends with the most unlikely of people. It pleases me that him and Draco can stand to be in the same room as each other without wanting or trying to hex the other into oblivion. I admire both of them for finally growing up enough so that they were able to put their differences aside.  
  
Let me explain a little more about Draco. His story is quite unusual. He came and joined our side as a spy shortly after the war started. Some suspected that he was really a spy for the Dark Side, but it was never proven and he remained loyal to us throughout the entire war. I would have never though he would be one to turn, considering his upbringing. He was one of the reasons Harry was able to defeat the Dark Lord.  
  
Draco was very angry when he had found out that she had been killed, for he had also loved her. He disappeared for a month, without telling anyone where he was going. We all thought him to be dead, but then he finally returned. With him, he carried his father's body and news as to where Voldemort was hidden.  
  
He told Harry that it was his father who had killed her. I think Harry was angry that he wasn't the one who had killed the man responsible for his lover's death, but none-the-less, the man was dead.  
  
Shortly after the whereabouts of Voldemort were discovered, Harry disappeared. It started out as just a couple of days, but quickly grew to weeks, months, and then finally a year. Not much information was known about where he had gone. No one had had any contact with him during that period.  
  
Then one day, he just showed up on my doorstep and proposed to me. I was shocked to say the least, but of course I said yes. The next spring we were married at the Wesley's house. They were the only family Harry had ever known, so it only seemed right that that was where it was held. It was a small wedding and only close friends and family were invited. Not that we had to worry though, not many people had survived the war. The wedding was spectacular though. It was truly the best day of my life. The only thing that made me sad on that day was when I wondered it Harry was wishing that she was there instead of me.  
  
Now that I have told you the history of Harry, and myself it only seems right to tell you about what is going on now.  
  
Harry's and my relationship started out great, and I thought it would last forever, but it didn't. I was never she and I was a poor replacement. She was the one he loved, not me. It had never been me and it would have never been me. I did try though. I tried as hard as I could to be her, but I just simply could not do it. I don't know why I ever even bothered.  
  
I mean what is the use if trying to be someone that I am not? There isn't even a point of me living anymore. I know I have children, and I love them very much, but I'm sure they could get along fine with just their father around to raise them.  
  
I wonder what Harry will do when he finds out what I have done.  
  
~**~  
  
When Harry came home that night, he found his wife dead on the living room floor with a note and an empty goblet lying beside her. Attached to the note was a picture of a girl whose face still haunted his dreams. He opened the note and read:  
  
Dearest Harry,  
  
I love you, but I know you don't love me back and you never will. But that is ok now. I know you have been through a lot and that she was taken from you so unfairly, but I couldn't handle the pressure of trying to change myself just so I could be more like her. No one will ever replace her and I don't know why you ever chose me. I am such a poor supplement. I'm sorry if this causes you more pain, but I just couldn't keep myself alive knowing that I would never loved by you. I just can't handle it anymore. But please remember that I love you and our children with all my heart.  
  
Truly yours,  
An unloved woman  
  
Harry broke down crying as the letter fell from his hand. He had now lost someone else who he had cared about more than life itself. He knew it was his fault that both of the women had died. The first, because he had wanted to spare her pain, but had winded up killing her instead. The second, he didn't treat right, didn't tell her how much he valued her being with him, when no one else was left to turn to. One thing the both of them had in common: they had never been told how much they were loved, until it was too late.  
  
With the thoughts of his two deceased lovers in his head, Harry Potter got up to go and tell his children what had happened to their mother. He also needed to call Draco and tell him what had happened. He would like to know, and he had a right to know, especially after everything the three of them had been through together since the end of the war.  
  
Maybe, just maybe, one day, when he tells his children and grandchildren about how he had defeated the Dark Lord he will also mention the girl that was taken from him. And that it was her who had caused him so much pain... 


End file.
